Narasura-of-Kashi

"Any time, any day
You can hear the people say
That love is blind
Well, I don't know but I say love is kind"

I cant remember anything anymore
And I dont feel sad about not having a home to return to either
I just don't care that I am gone and vanished from memory
Besides
I am still in love

"Live with great passion and devotion
and you will know what it means to love"

When you break too many times
It's easy to become cruel
but after a while
Even this cruelty breaks
Then all you have left is a kind of sadness
a warm sadness
that keeps getting warmer and warmer
until one day you awake to find yourself in fire
and the place where you once had a heart
now keeps a blazing star
The Principle of Fury

Could I become one of them?
Ghosts of anomaly hidden in my dreams
So that I may return to the pit
With Saturn as Helm and Fury as Ideal
To isolate the nameless fear within for just a moment
See it wear the face of whom I love most
See it decieve, keep me from realization
and for the first time in 20 years reclaim my voice

I've given away my key
and now I wither
My branches won't reach the sky
My flowers won't blossom without sun
My roots are only skin deep

But it's not so bad
I don't want to live anyway
Bliss comes cheap
and sorrow is suprisingly warm
What I want is change
What I want is growth
So I pray for the ground under my feet to crumble
for my knees to break
and for my hands to tremble
so that in deepest darkness
my true self be revealed

Stars are only seen at night after all
like a single word uttered in vain
Just a melody for the sake of love
and proper conpensation for my persistence
a young death, an ode to life

Let my blood rain down
on this barren land that is my life
Let my heart become Polaris
and like a second sun
sustain the growth of all things pure
So that I may contemplate an end
One as painful as the beginning
To know that one day it will all remain
No one will miss me
And it will be like I was never there

Even if I fall deeper into Iron Mountain
and commit all acts of cruelty against reason
I will not crucify my dream
Because I am a disciple of Saturn
and as such my elegy will be black
all the cruelty you give
will be repayed with beauty
all the pain you provide
will be repayed with glory
and as my heart breaks in two
A river will pour
your thirst will be quenched
and you will be mine

I will not Destroy but Create
I will not Harm but Protect
Because madness is the true face of innocence
and chaos is the natural state of all beauty
See the primal nature before you, It is the true king
And as it's servant time consumes you
Become Sacred Passion

I feel sadness and shame because I am a dishonest person
all the mistakes in my life, the people I've hurt and the things that I have done to myself are just because of my dishonesty
For a long time I thought I was on the brink of a great discovery. Like all the things I was doing were going to somehow make sense in the end
But it wasn't like that
Now I feel so lost, I don't know where I am . Where am I?
reference points are dissappearing sense of character is gone
My family thinks Im sick, I 've got no friends and worst of all I am so far away from the only person who ever loved me in my ugliness
who loved me in my ugliness
Have you ever loved a person in their ugliness?
I think I did
ONce
and it was because I opened my heart
I mean truly let this person see me for who I was
and and
it hurt so much
it was sick, frightening and painfully warm
and if only I hadn't run away
If only I had realized
that this is the way to live
the only way for a person like me to live
exposed, vulnerable, painfully warm
Now I think I will take a leap, a second chance if you will
Because my love you will be mine again

I am still really scared though
I just want to close my eyes
but it is so bright inside
so bright inside

My heart is swelling up and bursting with skittles
I got nowhere to go nothing to do and nothing to be
But it is this very notion that lets me open my heart
and what is coming will burn me crusty and kill me
but I don't mind because I am in love
Am I crazy for loving everything that is ugly about you?